Because of the success of our first attempt at fan fiction, Big B is back with an encore. Find your favorite seat (or sit cross-legged on the floor), pop some popcorn (or boil some vegetables), and enjoy (or not). This piece of fan fiction was inspired by this Kraft Macaroni & Cheese commercial:

The Stranger at My Table

Nelson has just discovered that this father, Harold, has another family. Seemingly unaware of his son’s bewilderment, Harold scoots his chair closer to the table and begins to eat his macaroni one noodle at a time, pausing only to steal more noodles from Nelson’s plate. While Harold eats, Nelson and his son, Tyler, sit motionless at the table. Finally, Nelson speaks.

NELSON

You…you have another family?

HAROLD

(With a mouth full of noodles) Yup.

NELSON

And you decided to tell us on noodle night?

HAROLD

Well, it wasn’t noodle night for me, was it?

NELSON

What do you mean?

Suddenly angry, Harold throws his fork across the room. The fork hits a vase full of white flowers, and the vase falls to the floor, breaking on impact. With wild eyes, Harold turns and points his finger at Nelson. Shocked, Nelson opens his mouth, but no words come out. After a few intense moments, Harold lowers his finger, stands up, and walks toward the broken vase.

HAROLD

You never give me any noodles. Did you see my plate before I stole your noodles? One piece of chicken—that’s all I had. One tiny piece of chicken.

NELSON

Don’t make this about your problems. You have another family!

HAROLD

And they are my first family! My original family. You’re the other family!

NELSON

But—

HAROLD

(Interrupting Nelson) And why do you think I decided to get a second family?

NELSON

I don’t…I don’t know.

Harold leans down as if to pick up the broken vase. Instead, he picks up his fork. He walks to the table and gently places the fork beside Nelson’s plate.

HAROLD

They didn’t give me any noodles either. I had to steal from them every day, and I know they resented me for it. I thought that, maybe, with another family, someone would finally offer me some noodles.

NELSON

(Staring at Harold’s fork) You just wanted some noodles.

HAROLD

I just wanted some noodles—from you.

NELSON

(Speaking quickly; stammering) Sit…sit down, Dad. You can have some noodles. I’ll take some more from Tyler, and you can have some of mine. You can have my noodles.

HAROLD

Nelson. My son. It’s too late.

NELSON

But Dad…

Harold begins to walk out of the dining room. Just before exiting, he turns back.

HAROLD

I’m going to find a third family. Maybe they’ll give me some noodles. But a bit of advice: Stop taking Tyler’s noodles. He’ll hate you for it, and you’ll end up just like me.

Harold exits. For a moment, Tyler and Nelson sit in silence. Then:

NELSON

I love him. I should hate that old man now, but—dammit!—I love him.

TYLER

But he stole my noodles!

NELSON

And he stole my heart.

END

~Big B